More than “I Do”

Mr. H and I were talking today about what it really means to be married and the pressures a new husband and wife face.  We’ve just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary and it’s lovely to look back and see just how far we’ve really come.  I wonder what would have happened had I had a Titus Woman to guide me through the engagement stage, to newly married, through struggles and obstacles.  Of course, I am very blessed and have a wonderful Mom who was and is my champion but there are so many who don’t have this.  I’ve been to a few weddings lately and am deeply blessed and touched by the way their wedding honors God.  But when I think back to my own engagement and wedding and the months to follow, I remember the frustration and heart ache, the struggling to be what I felt I should be and the pressures of being a new wife. 

What happens after the “I Do”?

So often the new husband expects his bride to be just like Mom…but what he doesn’t realize is that Mom has been a wife for a good 20 years by now and she’s gained quite a bit of experience and wisdom.  It takes a tremendous amount of energy and wisdom to run a household with success.  When I married, I had no financial wisdom and was used to spending my money any way I pleased.  I did not cook. My mother is an amazing cook and many times she tried to show me how to cook but I was not interested.  There were days in the beginning where I literally sat down and cried, wishing I’d paid more attention.  ’What kind of wife can’t cook?!’  I had absolutely no conflict resolution skills.  See this is one thing we rarely learn from our parents. Most parents do not allow their children to see conflict within marriage so their children don’t see the process of resolution.  In the bedroom, I was terribly insecure, horribly shy and mostly scared to death.  This is another thing most parents don’t discuss with their kids.  Now, the new husband is certainly wanting his bride to be a sex goddess…but I can assure you, it takes years of practice (wink wink).

As Mr. H and I discussed this, he acknowledged my fears when we were first married.  “But what about the pressures a man feels?”, he ask.  Well, I hadn’t given that a whole lot of thought.  Suddenly the man, who has been independent most of his adult life, is expected to support a wife, buy a house, think about a family.   He’s expected to do all the things his parents probably scolded him for before – being overly affectionate or emotionally vulnerable. 

Boys aren’t supposed to be those things….but husbands are. 

 Most men, by this time, have not had a lot of conflict resolution experience either and for the most part, they’ve been able to just walk away when they wanted to…now what?

With what a young couple faces in the first year or two of marriage, it’s barely a wonder that the divorce rates rise daily.  Without any discipleship or guidance, it’s so hard to succeed in today’s selfish world.  It takes a lot of patience and practice to die to self and become a unit.

I am so passionate about this topic.  The wedding is so romantic, every little girls dream. The honeymoon is blessed time alone to bask in the newness of being Mrs. ______, very romantic. But eventually we return home and suddenly being with each other every second has lost a little bit of its luster.  We begin to realize he doesn’t pick up his underwear and she isn’t the worlds best housewife.  What about the questions – who do these young couples ask? 

There should be Titus women bursting with this exciting news! 

We should be mentoring young brides and walking along side those within our churches especially…we should be talking about the tough questions before marriage and encouraging one another after the “I Do’s”.  Why is the divorce rate in churches often higher than secular divorce rates?  Where are we breaking down when we should be standing up?

Maybe you know a young bride.  Come along side her and see how you can serve her. 

I feel a series coming on…this is such an important topic.

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