There is a great topic of discussion going on over at my forum for wives right now. One member is asking how to handle a situation with her teenaged boy. Her boy is but a year older than our oldest…and he’s a great kid! This whole discussion relates to something we’ve recently gone through with Booker. I’ve asked him permission to share this story here with you (below).
Whose job is it to raise our boys into manhood?
We know that this is a Biblical expectation and role that God has given the father. Sometimes it is easy for us, as wives to say “well my husband refuses to lead.” I wonder if you really took the time to ask God about this and to pray for leadership to rise up in your husband – if you’d find that perhaps his wife could be a little more encouraging in his role to lead? My husband is not saved but he is a man who understands his role to lead our family, to protect us and guard our hearts. I am thinking of the book/movie Courageous (see my post) and how those men understand the importance of the role of the father in the lives of their children!
It’s taken practice, for him and for me!
I am not there yet – but I’m willing to stay on the course! For me, it is been really hard to let go of my little boy.
Yet he can’t be a little boy and a man all at once.
So I have a choice to make as to what direction I want him to head. The tricky part, as I mentioned, is my desire for control. I think it’s safe to say most women share this. It goes all the way back to Eve and the beginning of time. Control makes us feel like we’re safe. But when we are in control, God isn’t! If we’re going to submit our hearts to God, then we have to submit to His will for our marriages. He has given our husbands the astranomical task (and responsibility) of leading our families.
In another post I made (More than I DO ) I spoke about how our little boys are supposed to be tough! Society says they aren’t supposed to be tender or overly emotional, they aren’t supposed to be bold or have their own ideas above ours! However, (husbands) and men are supposed to be those things! My instructor said something to me in my course recently that really got me to thinking about this. He said that men should know where they are going before they get married. They should know their passions, their vision, and God’s will for their lives before they pledge their hearts to another. WOW. THAT is not taught thoroughly enough in our world. The problem is that if we, as mothers, keep our little boys little until they move out, then they are still little boys but they’re in the great big world all alone.
Who will draw them to manhood then?
There comes a shift in our families at about the time our little boys turn 12. Before this time, most things fall to mother. We teach them to be tender, we wipe away tears, we show them how to honor Daddy and how to apologize to a sibling and so much more. There are a lot of things us Mama’s can do -
but drawing out the man in our boys is NOT one of them.
It is time to give up control and defer to Dad so that he has the freedom to draw them out.
Here is an example in our family. Booker went to summer camp for the first time this past summer. It was a growing experience. On the last day of camp he got the nerve up to speak to this one young lady and since then they’ve discovered that they have a LOT in common. They both love to write and draw and much more. They’ve gotten permission to keep in contact through email. However, now they have decided to write a book together, for fun. They want to talk on the phone. Booker has called there a number of times and Miss S. is always unavailable to talk on the phone. He was beginning to wonder why this was that she could never talk to him. We asked him, “Have you asked her parents if this is appropriate in their opinion?” He replied that he had not. Mr. Handsome asked him, “well how would you feel if some boy was calling Songbird (his sister) and you had no idea what his intentions were?” Hmmmmm. That made him think. He said “Maybe I should call and ask her parents if they are okay with me calling.”
Ah ha! He got it! 
He was so nervous. He called and Mrs. S answered. He asked if he could have permission to call Miss S on the phone and if they were okay with it. Mrs. S replied saying that Miss S is not allowed to date. Booker replied saying, “Oh no. I am not either. This is not my intention with Miss S. We just have a lot in common and I’d like to pursue a friendship with her. I wanted to make sure you are okay with this.” Mrs. S replied saying, “That is a very mature and respectable question. Thank you for asking.” She gave her and Mr. S’s blessing.
This small thing got Booker to thinking about many things:
- What ARE my intentions with Miss S?
- What would my parents/her parents say about this?
- How can I show them that I honor them AND Miss S?
- What is God’s heart for Miss S? for ME?
…and much more. This was one step in the journey of our little boy becoming a young man.
This example was relatively easy, however. Maybe letting your son go to a different church than you attend, or allowing him to decide how much video games he should play or what kinds of TV shows he should watch – these are tougher! How do we go about this?
More on this tomorrow…
For future readers, here is the link to the next post;
Guiding our boys to become men – the hard stuff
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