Her friend calls her and invites her to a BBQ in the park.

His parents ask him to come along to paint the kids’ faces and serve his neighbors.

Their eyes meet and they hold one another in a mesmerizing gaze for a long time.  Something is stirring in her and she knows…this is the man! The one she’s been praying for.  She starts to think, ‘oh my goodness, I’m so glad I wore this dress. Is my hair okay?’
All the while he’s thinking, ‘It’s her!  She’s the one my parents told me about – the one they’ve prayed for all of these years!’  Without noticing, he’s painted a beautiful heart on the little boys face.

“HEY! I wanted a tiger!”, the little boy shouts.  He blushes. She giggles. “Oh, sorry kid. Next time.”  …and it all begins.

Their story is starting to unfold. 

They are infused in the prayers of the ones who love them most, supported by friends and wise mentors who guide them into marriage.

They make their home in the country and it’s filled with the treasures they and others have worked so hard to build – self-esteem, honesty, communication, hard work, a diligent prayer life, study in the word, integrity, faithfulness, deep intimacy, joy. 
Before he comes home from work, he calls to tell his beloved he’s on his way!  She runs inside and freshens up, she tidies the house.  Supper is creating the most delicious aroma – she’s ready for him to walk through the door, all smiles!

…It’s been awhile since you have seen them, you go to their house in the country, the one filled with flavor and aroma, treasures of the heart…but no one is there. You call her on the phone and she says, “We’ve moved. I don’t think you should come over. It’s too dangerous.” 

I guess you’ll have to decide, is your visiting worth the potential danger?

You follow her directions. It’s hard to find.  You’ve left the sketchy part of town and you’re deep in the heart of the slums.  There isn’t any color here, it’s dark and grey. No sound of children laughing.  There is no inviting flower bed in the front and you think back to the way she used to keep your garden, her sanctuary…is it all dead now, you wonder in silence?  You slowly walk up the broken stairs to the dark door, and knock. 

“Come it, it’s open.” 

How did Mary’s marriage go from a country beauty to a home in the slums?

If it were an easy question to answer, I wouldn’t need to write this post.  I remember Mary when they were dating. Oh, she was a beauty.  She really shared her heart, her dreams. She was inviting, inspiring, she served her Beloved with a heart open to God…I never went there and caught her in sweats and a ponytail.  I never heard her fart while they were snuggled up on the couch.  When I asked her how this happened, she said “I don’t know…I mean I never would have moved us here to the slums.  I guess it happened slowly.  Joseph started working longer hours and we decided to move a little closer to town so the kids could be in sports…”  There was a vacancy to her eyes that didn’t belong there.  “Before we knew it, we were here. In this house – if you could call it a house…” She began to cry and I could tell she was scared.

See, it never happens that you just decide to move from the country to the slums.  It’s a mountain of small decisions, seemingly inconsequential decisions…decisions made by both you and your husband (it is never the fault of one person).  It took two of you to build it and two to move you into the slums.  It’s true that it will take both Mary and Joseph to move back to their country home filled with treasures…but it starts with one heart.

Dear wives, have you let yourself go?  What are you wearing right now? Have you forgotten to praise your husband, to encourage him and lift him up? Have you forgotten to take interest in what he’s doing?  

Have you let the area of deep intimacy turn into a house abandoned?  Thinking that you can abandon your intimacy and forgo your marriage bed because you’re hurt or angry,

Is like moving to the slums and leaving the door of your marriage open to thieves and robbers.

Have you forgotten that God loves your marriage? He loves your husband and He longs to move you out to the country…maybe it’s your old home or maybe you’ve never been blessed with a country home.  Stand up dear friends.
Be Courageous.
Someone has to take the first step.
Walk with the King, submit your marriage to the Father
…and see where He takes you from there!

Tonight I am watching the snow blow and the temperature drop.  I won’t be able to go to church tomorrow. Over two hours (one way) on the roads with babes, with a windchill of a predicted -41, it isn’t safe to travel.  I haven’t been to church now since November 19th.  Oh, how I am longing to be with my church family, to receive the gift of worshipping with others.

So tomorrow I will sit by the fire, Bible in hand.  I will snuggle my babes. I will remember the gift that it is to be able to go to church.

Do you know how blessed you are if you weren’t able to read this until you arrived home from church?

Luke 6:20-26 is where we’ll be studying today. Here Jesus contrasts the difference between a blessed life and happiness as the world sees is.  What is the difference really?  The religious saying “Choose Joy” comes to mind for me and the sting of how many times a well meaning Christian has said that  to me in the depth of a trail. 

This is rather timely for me.  Right now I am consumed with the heart ache of a situation I’m trying to walk through under godly wisdom.  For some reason, a relationship between myself and two others is shrouded in tension and unrest.  I don’t know why. I don’t know when it began to change. But I know it is there.  It is on my mind (prayerfully) so that I can scarcely think of anything else.  Mr. H says that most people don’t fret over such things this way. 
Maybe it is a weakness? 
I dont’ know if it is or if it is not. What I do know is that God made me and He doesn’t make junk.  I wonder what would be different about me if I could stand being at odds with people whom I care about?  I don’t know that I would be as compassionate or able to feel for others with the depth that I do now.  I’m not asking God to remove me from the situation or even the real physical pain of the heart ache that it brings me – but rather that He uses it to turn my heart, and the hearts of the two I care for, towards Him so that we can grow in Him.

However, I don’t think that I am, as v 23 says, leaping with joy in this trial.  Do we really claim the joy that is ours, in Him?  I’m human. It is hard for me to feel joy in the midst of heart ache.  I do feel a sense of joy in knowing that God intends to use this trial for good. I love to think about how my example through this might be part of Mr. H’s salvation journey.  I especially rejoice in knowing that I serve a God that moves which means He will not leave me where I am today, saturated in the pain of unrest.  So while I am not dancing and leaping for JOY, I am content to know that joy is there.  I AM praising Him, I AM worshipping Him and singing – it is through tears but I believe that is okay with God.

There IS a difference between happiness and JOY in the Lord.

It does us no good to put on a smile and fake happiness when we need to mourn.  I’d go so far as to say that it is a treasonous refusal to cry out to, and trust God with our hurts and grief.  I think it is IN our cry, in our tears, that hope oddly dawns.  Hope deferred, or disregarded by not acknowledging it, makes the heart sick (Prov. 13:12). He is close to the broken hearted (Ps. 34:18).  He is greater than our hearts (1 John 3:20).  I believe that He longs to hear our deepest cry, to hold us when our bodies shake with the weight of the tears. (Sometimes he sends an angel in a friend who will hold you while you cry. Thank you Thara!).   He wants our hearts.  Jesus came to heal the broken hearted.  His desire is for us to have relationship with one another.  He hasn’t brought me all this way, heard my prayers for this situation, held my tears, listened to my cries…just to leave me here.  

I love it when I read the words in the Bible that say “And the Lord was with him…”  It brings tears to my eyes every single time I read those words.  So my prayer today as I walk through Luke 6:20-26 is that it will be said of me, said of the two whom I am praying for; “And the Lord was with him/her…”

THAT is JOY

It is not happiness, my tears are real and it really hurts…Knowing that the Lord IS with me. He is with the two that I am praying for restoration of relationship with.

He is with you.

JOY COMETH. 

If they are teenagers, we’ve already gotten them this far – and they’re still alive   Giggle.  I’m teasing, I’ve enjoyed every season of my kids’ lives but this part is all unchartered territory for Mr. H and I.  We were talking yesterday about teenagers and how hard it is to let them go – and to defer to Dad as he begins to draw out the man in them.  As Mr. H and I have sought Godly counsel from wise parents, one book keeps coming up in conversation; Preparing for Adolescense by Dr. Dobson.  We’re reading it thru now.

As I said, my instructors had a lot to say about this topic and it really got me to thinking.  One of the things I spoke to my Titus Mentor about was video games.  When our kids were smaller, we weren’t as wise as we are today   and neither of us were Christians.  We allowed our children to play video games.  Now we are dealing with the consequenses of that deceision.  We had no idea that they could be so addicting or that there was so much junk out there – that our kids would later be exposed to!  It’s a lot easier to control when they are 10.  When they are 15, not so much.  Now their older cousins are playing games that make Mr. H and I gasp in horror!  They have friends whose parents don’t monitor what they watch or play and our kids aren’t allowed to engage in those games. Where does this leave our kids?  Well it leaves them with a decision about how they’ll handle this situation when it arises.

It’s a constant temptation that they’ll be faced with, in some form or another, all of their lives.  We’re at a place where we can no longer control their choices because they are no longer with us all the time.  Booker has a friend who plays these older X-box games.  Booker admitted to us (we’re grateful for open communication) that he really liked the look of the X-Box games and in fact, that he was starting to think about those games even when he got home; about when he could play next.  One of the games has a tavern that the character can go into and there are very scarecly dressed women dancing on the tables in that tavern.  Booker came to us and told us about this (again, AMEN that he came to talk to us).  We had a long discussion about this. We talked about how these games are a step up from the silly games where you jump boulders and race cars.  Does he really want to take that step?  We talked about how they are designed to addict and draw kids and we talked about how he had already shared with us that he has been affected in this way.  We talked about the importance of what goes into his heart and mind and how this can jeoprodize his purity.  It was a good talk between Mr. H, Booker and I. 

Now our heart wants to outright ban these things!  We want to jump up and down and scream and yell that this is awful, stay away from it!!!!  Especially as a Mama, I desperately want to guard his heart and there is nothing wrong with this – it’s a Biblical principal.  I really had to defer to Dad here because he has the thoughts of a man, he understands the seriousness of it all in a way I (as a woman) can not.  But…but…but he is not a Christian and he might not make this decision based on godliness!  I can not tell you how much prayer has gone into this topic because I have to trust God with Booker.  When we ask our mentors what to do about this, they ask “How long do you intend to control everything he does and to make these choices for him? When do you intend to stop?”  No beating around the bush, that got right to the core of the issue! 

Do we trust God or not? 

We have raised a fine young man to this point, we’ve given him good strong examples by what we watch and allow into our hearts.  Eventually he’ll be on his own.  Wouldn’t we rather give him wisdom and support him in prayer – allow him to make small mistakes while he’s under our authority so that he has a little life experience when the opportunity to make bigger mistakes arises? He’ll know we love him no matter what.  He’ll know he can lean on God.  I guess this could be a controvercial question.  Our mentors suggested we find books to read, statistics to back up our views and obtain all of the information we could find…then talk to our boys. Pray.

Did I mention PRAY?

Then what????? we ask with bated breath?!  We have to believe for this…   

Back to the question, do we trust God or not?  He loves Booker more than we do.  His purpose and plan for Booker never change, not from the first time God thought of him.  We have found some great resources and we are in the middle of reading through some of this stuff and preparing to present it to our boys.  I know that this is an important step and how we go about doing this will have a huge impact.  Because of this, we’re taking the time and putting prayerful consideration into this.  When the time comes, I will work on being quiet and allowing my beloved husband to use this as an opportunity to rise up – to draw out the men in Booker and Monkey…and God will use this in Mr. H’s salvation journey!

….all of this if I can keep my eyes on Christ! And trust.

If you’d join us in prayer for this, we’d appreciate that! 

In Him…

***You might notice that I say “WE” are prayerfully considering.  You know that Mr. H is not saved. WHY THEN do I say WE? I believe for his salvation (1 Peter 3:1-3)… in a God that brings life from death and speaks of that which is not (yet) as though they were because I have hope and faith in a God that is big enough to keep His promises to me (Romans 4:17-18 ).

Whose job is it to raise our boys into manhood?

We know that this is a Biblical expectation and role that God has given the father.  Sometimes it is easy for us, as wives to say “well my husband refuses to lead.”  I wonder if you really took the time to ask God about this and to pray for leadership to rise up in your husband – if you’d find that perhaps his wife could be a little more encouraging in his role to lead?  My husband is not saved but he is a man who understands his role to lead our family, to protect us and guard our hearts. I am thinking of the book/movie Courageous (see my post) and how those men understand the importance of the role of the father in the lives of their children! 
It’s taken practice, for him and for me! 

I am not there yet – but I’m willing to stay on the course!   For me, it is been really hard to let go of my little boy. 

Yet he can’t be a little boy and a man all at once. 

So I have a choice to make as to what direction I want him to head.  The tricky part, as I mentioned, is my desire for control. I think it’s safe to say most women share this.  It goes all the way back to Eve and the beginning of time.  Control makes us feel like we’re safe.  But when we are in control, God isn’t!  If we’re going to submit our hearts to God, then we have to submit to His will for our marriages.  He has given our husbands the astranomical task (and responsibility) of leading our families. 

In another post I made (More than I DO ) I spoke about how our little boys are supposed to be tough! Society says they aren’t supposed to be tender or overly emotional, they aren’t supposed to be bold or have their own ideas above ours! However, (husbands) and men are supposed to be those things!  My instructor said something to me in my course recently that really got me to thinking about this. He said that men should know where they are going before they get married. They should know their passions, their vision, and God’s will for their lives before they pledge their hearts to another. WOW.  THAT is not taught thoroughly enough in our world.  The problem is that if we, as mothers, keep our little boys little until they move out, then they are still little boys but they’re in the great big world all alone. 

Who will draw them to manhood then? 

There comes a shift in our families at about the time our little boys turn 12.  Before this time, most things fall to mother. We teach them to be tender, we wipe away tears, we show them how to honor Daddy and how to apologize to a sibling and so much more.  There are a lot of things us Mama’s can do -

but drawing out the man in our boys is NOT one of them. 

It is time to give up control and defer to Dad so that he has the freedom to draw them out. 

Here is an example in our family. Booker went to summer camp for the first time this past summer.   It was a growing experience.  On the last day of camp he got the nerve up to speak to this one young lady and since then they’ve discovered that they have a LOT in common.  They both love to write and draw and much more.  They’ve gotten permission to keep in contact through email.  However, now they have decided to write a book together, for fun.  They want to talk on the phone.  Booker has called there a number of times and Miss S. is always unavailable to talk on the phone.  He was beginning to wonder why this was that she could never talk to him.  We asked him, “Have you asked her parents if this is appropriate in their opinion?”  He replied that he had not.  Mr. Handsome asked him, “well how would you feel if some boy was calling Songbird (his sister) and you had no idea what his intentions were?” Hmmmmm. That made him think.  He said “Maybe I should call and ask her parents if they are okay with me calling.”
Ah ha! He got it!  

He was so nervous.  He called and Mrs. S answered.  He asked if he could have permission to call Miss S on the phone and if they were okay with it.  Mrs. S replied saying that Miss S is not allowed to date.  Booker replied saying, “Oh no. I am not either.  This is not my intention with Miss S.  We just have a lot in common and I’d like to pursue a friendship with her. I wanted to make sure you are okay with this.”  Mrs. S replied saying, “That is a very mature and respectable question. Thank you for asking.”  She gave her and Mr. S’s blessing. 

This small thing got Booker to thinking about many things:

1. What ARE my intentions with Miss S?
2. What would my parents/her parents say about this? 
3. How can I show them that I honor them AND Miss S?
4. What is God’s heart for Miss S? for ME?

…and much more.  This was one step in the journey of our little boy becoming a young man.

This example was relatively easy, however.  Maybe letting your son go to a different church than you attend, or allowing him to decide how much video games he should play or what kinds of TV shows he should watch – these are tougher! How do we go about this?

More on this tomorrow…
For future readers, here is the link to the next post;
Guiding our boys to become men – the hard stuff

PRAISE GOD that I did because we got up and did all of the animal chores that the boys usually do – and I began to feel quite unwell. Stomach cramping. Blech!  By 9:30 I was very very sick.  I became so sick and weak that I could barely get from the bathroom to the bedroom. I could hear a little Songbird crying and I called her in and ask what was wrong. She said, “I WANT DADDY!!!!  I’m scared.”  Poor thing had never heard me throw up before.

So she called Daddy on the ski hill and he comforted her.  Then he asked to speak to me.  Apparently Monkey had a little accident while skiing. He’s by far the most adventurous of our kids and I guess he got to the top of the ski hill and was gone!  He was allllll alone on the hill, not another soul and he crashed!  Thank goodness he was by the ski lift so they saw him and reported it to the medics at the top. They came down with a stretcher and took him to the lodge.  Mr. H was relaying the story to me and I was asking questions.  All the while, Little Songbird’s eyes were getting bigger and bigger and finally I noticed them filling with tears.  She asked in the smallest voice, “Mommy, is Monkey going to make it?”  The poor thing had quite a rough day.

Back to Monkey – I asked Mr. H how this happened and he responded,

“Well I think he found his speed limit!”

Mr. Handsome thought perhaps he’d be too scared to go again but he had a cinnamon bun and a drink and before Dad knew it, he was off again!  He had a great day!

In today’s world, that is quite a special thing – and a huge gift to Mr H. and I, to our children and (eventually) their children!

What does it really mean?  It means that my mom is a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother and grandmother; my dad is a son, a brother, a father and a grandfather.  It should mean they are done with all the hard stuff.  There have been valleys and mountain tops in their marriage, I am sure – as parents and even as grandparents.  The hard stuff never really goes away, does it?  But it sure says a lot about who they are that they have shared every moment with one another for 47 years (and that doesn’t include their sweetheart days of school).  It says a lot that I often see them sneak a kiss, hold hands and show tenderness towards one another.  They really are madly in love!  It shows that all of the sacrifice and hard work they put into myself and my brothers has gotten us to where we are…my marriage is a testimony to their own.

Mom and Dad, thank you for who you are. Thank you for everything you’ve given us, that you’ve sacrifices for us, for the amazing love you’ve shown us and the example that you both are to each of us!  We love you!

Happy Anniversary.

Happy Anniversary Town Grandma and Grandpa!

This is one of my favorite stories in the Bible.  Imagine the many tear stained prayers Elizabeth and Zechariah must have prayed to the Father when they couldn’t bear children?  This would have been viewed, at that time, as a great divine disfavor and brought much shame.  It brnigs tears to my eyes to think of their heartache.  So when Gabriel appeared to Zechariah telling him that his wife would be with child, can you imagine the shock – at his old age, the years they’d waited and probably given up!  Yet Zechariah doubted the angel and asked for a sign.

Skip forward to Mary when the angel Gabriel appeared to her.  He says that she was highly favored. Imagine the heart of this young girl – oh, to have known her.  When Gabriel told her that she was to carry the Son of the Most High, she did not doubt.  Her response was simply, “I am the Lord’s servant…may it be to me as you have said.”  This my friends, is a girl whose faith is not hindered by mystery.  What a beautiful picture of a girl whose heart truly seeks after the heart of her Father.

Now imagine the strife this brought to Mary’s life?  She was, after all, a human being.  Surely the insecurities we all suffer, the fears, the racing thoughts – did not escape her.  It’s what she did with them that speaks so much to me.  When she went to visit Elizabeth - oh I’m so excited to share this that I can hardly stand myself – such a sweet and tender moment…here is the younger girl, who most likely has no true sense of her beauty (who does at that age), visits her older relative who she has probably looked up to in the past.  Elizabeth’s response must have been such a reassurance to her, so affirming.  Perhaps in a time when so many others did not believe Mary – Elizabeth believed her.  Little baby John the Baptist leaped with JOY at the sound of Mary.  Imagine the joy of that moment, JOY of the Lord!  

Luke 1:78-79 says that the rising sun would come to shine on the darkness…to guide our feet into the path of peace.  God’s will, His purpose and passion for us does not change…not once since He first called us by name, long before we were even thought of on this earth! His will is written. It’s new to us, unknown, and sometimes scary but to Him, it is written.  When life changes, when we experience darkness, when we act more like Thomas or Zachariah than like Mary – His will for us, His passion and love for us NEVER WAVERS. 

We’ve been managing our own lives all these years – using what ever coping mechanisms we can find and putting a package together that helps us (or so we think) to survive…look how that has turned out!  We are wrecks. Some of us hide it better than others but inside each of us struggle.  Soon the sun will rise here in the cozy porch as I sit by the fire and write this, the room will be filled with light.  The beauty of this land will be revealed, the trees will sparkle with frost.  If the ‘rising sun’ was sent to shine on the darkness,

to give hope and reveal beauty

then why do we work so hard to keep our darkness hidden?  Why do we struggle so much with making deep human connections that can encourage us as we bring our darkness into light (secrets, hurts, insecurities)?  Darkness can not survive in light.  Yes, we’ve been hurt, betrayed by some but aren’t we able to trust God to bring us friendships that truly encourage?

Do we even ask Him to?

His heart for us does not change. Are we robbing ourselves of unveiling the beauty and walking into what He has for us, what He longs to share with us, because we aren’t willing to believe that

His heart is FOR US!

You also might like this post on Divine Darkness.
This link will open in a separate window, if you hold down control and click on that link, it will bypass your blocks.

the elves begin to make mischief!  

We have a little skating rink that we made out of blue foil, the kids have made little benches out of popsicle sticks over the years and we got some cute figurines of people skating.  The elves love to fool with the village and often we wake up to find that the dog is on top of the chimney on the old bakery!  At times we’ve found that the tractor which goes in the barn is hanging from the bridge!  Every now and again our elves get so busy making mischief that they forget a piece of clothing. One year I made the tiniest little felt elf shoes.  Another year I made a lovely fleece cloak for one of the lil girl elves with a little tiny braided scarf and a small little hat.  When the elves leave these items, they often need repair of some sort so I get the kids to stitch them together or mend a hole – the elves are so grateful when they return that they leave small gifts (often a Christmas movie).  Sometimes Songbird and I sew tiny little dresses or vests as gifts for the elves.  Oh it’s so much fun!!

Now on our forum for wives, we share ideas and I’ve been given permission to share a few here with you!  One of our gals used cotton to make a snow drift on the kitchen table. Here in Northern Canada, we can just do this for real outside… as it happened, just as the elves were coming to deliver a load of chocolate candy kisses, their Lego truck got stuck in the drift. You can imagine they had to unload the kisses in an attempt to free themselves…but to no avail.  They had to abandon the mission.  Tiny little footprints (using icing sugar) showed their trail as they attached a rope to the truck and scuffled down from the table, out the backdoor.

In another family, the elves left Rudolf noses one evening.  They also left Mr. Pauper’s Penguins as well as some popcorn one night. Sometimes the elves leave supplies for Christmas crafts or if they’re feeling naughty, they may rearrange the nativity set!

It’s the 12th today and we haven’t set up our village yet. Where HAS time gone?!  So tonight the elves are going to ‘toilet paper’ our living room and leave a little tiny note saying that they came to visit and play in the village but it wasn’t set up yet!

Our children are 14, 12 and 7 and they know the real reason for the season…but oh how they love the silliness of the elves!  Enjoy some of our pictures of past elf adventures!

This is a picture of all of the cloths we’ve made for the elves and the notes they’ve left for us.
We made an outfit for one of the young elf men and to the left of that is a TINY little baby elf vest.  Of course the lady’s dress with hat, scarf and cloak to the right of that.

I took the kids with me for the first 10 days. They did well with their schooling, however I did feel a little torn in that there was so much to get through, both emotionally (being stirred up) and scholastically for me.  It was a wonderful gift when Mr. Handsome came and took the kids home for the last week.  I think they were ready to come home also and it was certainly nice for Dad to have his babes home.  He’s so good about helping out in this way.

Now it is December already. With being gone from home for 3 weeks, I’ve missed a huge chunk of time…and here we are already. Because we did not do all that we needed to with school in those three weeks – we’ll continue to school for another two weeks or more. Usually we do not do school in the month of December. I’ve written about our Decembers and 25 days of snowflakes here and there are some photos here as well.  It is about time to start some baking, how I love Christmas baking. This was always a very very special time with my mother and her best friend, when I was a child. I look forward to our own family traditions as our babes grow too!  Last year we read an advent from Arnold Ytreeide, here are some great ones you can check out. I’d meant to get a new one but didn’t get to it in time. Our kids LOVE when I read these out aloud.  Perhaps I’ll have to read last years once again, they never mind hearing it again!

What great traditions are you starting for December with your family?

CHRISTmas is such a special time…