Archive for the ‘Cafe Chat’ Category

Cafe Chat – Freedom

Are you missing out on the Internet Cafe?  If you’ve never been there for coffee, get your running shoes on and get over there!  It’s an amazing community of Christian woman!

Kim posted this post last week but I’ve been praying about it all week…Pop over to the cafe to see Kim’s entire post.

What I am asking you to do is to pray to God and see if there is something He wants you to give up. Not give up eventually, or one day in the future, but TODAY. Can today be the day you begin your journey to freedom from what binds you? Begin your journey with prayer, and then seek God in His Word. Ask Him to give you the desire to change, and the strength to do the hard work that is required. Seek out friends and loved ones that will support you on your journey to freedom. Jesus came to set us free… Let’s seek freedom together.(Today, if you feel led please share with us what thing you are asking God to set you free from, or at least that you decided today is the day to change…)  Cheering you on,Kim

So, I’ve been praying.  It’s one of those hard things that I don’t really want to open my heart to – to write about.  I know I can’t just answer with a easy “I’ve already achieved victory in this small area of my life.”  I know God’s been calling me to dig deeper and pen my heart – His heart here with this post. So here I go…hesitantly but obediently.

If you’ve followed my blog at all – You know I’m a big dreamer. I’m a doer.  I’m passionate about everything I do. I have a HUGE heart for others. What has God spoken to me while on my knees in this area? 

He wants me to give up my dreams.

Ouch!  You have no idea how much it hurts to write that. Aren’t there things in your life that you know you are gifted in?  Maybe it’s music, or writing, or teaching.  We all have such giftings and they are just that – gifts. However, when we start desiring to use them for self , they stop being gifts, and start becoming burdens.  It’s when you start using them to please yourself and not God that things change from His ministry to your ministry.  

I don’t think that God is asking me to deny my gifts – or live in misery longing to use the gifts He has given me!  I just think He wants me to trust HIM more concerning those gifts.  Stormie Omartian once wrote that though she had a heart for music, she committed not to sing a word until led by Christ to do so!

So that is where God is leading me with this question Kim asked a week ago.  I think I have to stop dreaming about the things I want to do and trust Him for the things He wants to do, through me.  Maybe He wants me to write that book that my heart longs to pen – but it has to be HIS ministry, His heart, His timing.  In the mean time, what I am called to do is stop allowing my dreams for the future to hold me back form His dreams for my present. I have to start dwelling on the lovely and constantly give my thoughts (and dreams) over to Him.

Do Hard Things. It seems to be becoming a theme in my life right now!


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Cafe Chat – Thankfulness

Please list up to 5 things that you are thankful for… I encourage you to think a little deeper and come up with something that you are thankful for that you might not have thought of before.

Pop over to the Internet Cafe to see Kim’s entire post.

This is a wonderful opportunity to really dig deep into my heart for things I’m thankful for.  I won’t list the obvious ones like my amazing husband or my precious babies. Those are given.  Here they are, not in any particular order: 

1.  I’m thankful for my Dad’s heart attack 10 years ago. That was definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever walked through and the years after were extremely difficult as we grew and healed together as a family. Why am I thankful for such a thing? Well, it obviously starts with a HUGE praise that he survived and we all got a second chance to love my Dad; his amazing gifts as a husband, father, grandfather and deep love in my life (and the lives of many others). Also tho, I’m thankful because of the way it pushed me and challenged me as a human being. That was the day that I recommitted my heart to Christ. My Dad probably has no idea the gift he gave me in the face of such a storm!

2.  This goes along with the first.  My Dad had a massive heart attack, and my husband and I packed up and moved with our 2 year old and brand new baby, here to Boonsville – all within months of eachother. While my Dad still clung to life in the city far away, I discovered that I was in stage 4 of precancer and had to have emergency surgery. My baby got TERRIBLY sick and cried day and night (literally) for 18 months. Did I mention my husband went away to work the day I found out about my precancer (with our only vehicle) and didn’t come back for 7 months? Thankful?  Yes! I’m thankful again for the ways these traumas stretched me and broke me and made me lean, evermore, on Him…not to mention the way it drew my husband and I together.

3.  I am thankful to live here in Boonsville. Yes, for the obvious reasons of the beauty, the peace, the lack of busy-ness and the amazing view…but more for the ways it has pushed me to seek Him more deeply. I can’t rely on church to fill me; I can’t rely on the inpouring from Christian fellowship daily – but I can rely on The Source (yep, that’s God) to give me peace anew everyday.  Perhaps I study harder and dig deeper into the Word because IT is my wine and pure milk.

4.  I’m thankful for the gift of homeschooling, even when it’s really, REALLY hard. Yes, for the obvious reasons – it’s so beautiful to be able to speak into the hearts of my little arrows.  Also though, because it makes me a better person.  It’s hard to be slothful and lazy and just rest on my sinful nature when 6 little eyes stare right into the heart of my heart every minute, of every day.   It forces me to Do Hard Things.  It’s also given me the opportunity to grow a deep love and friendship with my homeschooling friend, Tina (whom I speak of here often).  She is a beautiful inspiration to me and probably one of the deepest friendships I’ve ever known (other than my husband).  God’s added little bonus for me, to homeschooling. Maybe that should have been a number on it’s own but…

5.  I’m thankful, GRATEFUL really, for the ways that all of the above things have grown my marriage and for the many things that I know will strengthen us in years to come.  It’s an honor to watch my sweet love grow as a husband, as a father, as a human being. It’s an honor to be his cornerstone, his champion, the Mamma to his babies, the love of his life.  I’m thankful for his hard working ethics, for his love of all things living, for the way he loves my family, the way he loves and nurtures my friendship with Tina (even tho she’s hours away), for the way he puts up with me, even when I’m totally unbearable (I know none of you are ever unbearable – but sometimes that BEAR just escapes in me…).  Nothing I could ever do in life, would make me worthy of such a love and yet, God gifted me with this man anyway!

6.  Okay, this is over the limit of thankfulness and tho there are more, I promise not to go on forever. I’m thankful that all of the above come down to one thing  –  the love of Christ in my heart. I am daughter to the King of Kings. Wife to my beloved. Mamma to two Knights and one Princess…God is good.

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Cafe Chat – Rachel or Leah?


…I want us to focus in on Leah this week. Actually, Leah and Rachel. I won’t assume that everyone reading is familiar with the story of Leah and Rachel, and Jacob of course. So below I will post a portion of scripture from Genesis 29. Please read before you answer the questions, and I would encourage you to read even more of the story than I posted. (Please click this link to the Cafe to read the entire post of Kim’s)

 So after reading part of the story (again, I encourage you to read more) who do you sympathize with more, Leah or Rachel? Who does your heart go out to? Does your answer reflect the fact that you can relate to your choice personally? Share if you feel so led.

This is one of the first stories I read when I first became a Christian.  I always wondered how a man could be so fooled?  It makes me thirsty for ‘the rest of the story’ .  It also makes me ever more aware of the sovereignty of God.

However, upon looking at this story with my flawed, human eyes. I can’t imagine what Rachel must have felt like.  What would it feel like to have a man love you so passionately that he is willing to work 7 years for your hand?  Then, having waited that 7 years, to be so betrayed and disappointed to have to work 7 more years…What must Rachel have felt to have to watch her sister in marriage to the man she loved? To watch her sister bear children that perhaps, she herself wanted to bear?  I think back to the time I ached to adopt but couldn’t – and also how God used my best friend’s decision to adopt, to change and grow in my heart…to transform my heart for adoption into something beautiful. Sovereignty. Providence. His plan is so much bigger than we can see.

I think to Leah. What must she have felt like to be handed to a man who didn’t love her? She must have had dreams that someday he might…only to discover that he would always love Rachel more; love her children more.  Those of us who are Mamma’s can only imagine the pain of watching the father of her children, not able to fully her babies.  In no way comparable, I can only relate this to one thing in my life that I long for most of all – my husband’s salvation. Might it be a little like finally getting to the place of my husband’s salvation only to realize that while he has committed to it, he has no intention of living for Christ? While all of my dreams are before me (with his salvation at hand), might I live my life heartbroken that my expectations and dreams of our life together, equally yoked at last – are shattered? This gives me hope and a gentle reminder to be ever patient in His timing for us – that Mr. H can come fully to Christ in HIS timing and not my own.

Imagine too what Jacob must have felt like?  What passion and love he must have had for Rachel.  How must it have felt to be married to a woman you did not love fully?  This also brings me back to the heart of what God continues to teach me – about moving from emotion and feelings, into faith. While we can’t know all of the details of this story, we do know that God’s plan for Joseph was mighty.

Sovereignty. Providence. Almighty.

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Cafe Chat…just one request

Join me over at the Internet Cafe with Cafe Chat to see Kim’s entire post.



 If God told you that He would answer any one prayer request today, what would it be? Why, this request? (Again, I give all credit to R.T. Kendall for today’s question)

Well friends, this one is too easy for me. Obviously my request would be for the sweet release to freedom that salvation would offer my beloved husband!  It is heart aching to watch him walk through life with the weight of the world firmly placed upon his shoulders. I’m thankful today that I can already thank Jesus for the day Mr. H is saved – with no doubt that, while it hasn’t happened yet, God has it covered in His perfect timing.

So, today I’m simply going to offer up a prayer to Him, for the ones I love and petition for daily.

Jesus, thank you for this place to share my heart – thank you for every reader and bless each of them today in a special and unique way.

I pray for my husband and my littles, continue to grow in the heart of each of them and strengthen their faith in You daily. Give me wisdom as a wife, mother, teacher, daughter – daughter in law, friend and the many other jobs I have. Continue to add to my tapestry of beauty as I grow as a wife and mother. Continue to grow in me, a heart that listens to the hearts of others – that listens and discerns your small, still voice.

I pray for my family, my parents, my brothers and their wives, my nieces and nephews – each one. Be with them today, meet them where they are; let them know that Your heart walks with theirs and pour your love onto them in a special way. Where there is weariness, give refreshing; where there is loneliness, give comfort; where there is darkness, bring light. Wrap Yourself around them today!

I ask that you cover Tina today and bless her beyond measure. Bless her wife’s heart as she seeks to become the wife You desire in her. Bless her Momma’s heart as she guides her little arrows in the ways of the One who loves them more than she does. Give her a heart for hospitality, a heart that desires to serve with love. Thank you for who she is to me, for her love and friendship. Wrap her in your grace and mercy today and what ever her day brings, give her peace and rest.

I pray for Lynne today as she goes through treatment, be with her, watch over her. 

I pray for Faith and her family – that you saturate them with your love today and that they are drawn to You evermore as they seek You in the heart of their family – the heart of their marriage. Refresh Faith today in all she does. Give her the energy and enthusiasm she needs to do the many jobs required of her. Remind her to take all things to You.

I lift Sandra to You. Thank you for anniversaries and memories and the excitement that the future brings to those who know and love You. Bless her today in all she does.

Lord you hear every prayer I utter and even the ones that can’t escape my lips. Thank you.

In Jesus’ name, AMEN

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To do or not to do – Cafe Chat

Internet Cafe has a chat once a week that I love participating in. Kim always comes up with some great, thought provoking questions. Hop on over the Cafe Chat to see her whole post.


 Do you focus in more on what you are doing for Jesus, or on what you are not doing for Him? Is there a balance? Do you think this is even a healthy approach when you are examining yourself in regards to your relationship with Christ?

I have this dear dear friend whom I can always share my heart with; you know the kind – you might not see each other for a year but when you’re together, it’s like you’ve never been apart…sweet, sweet friendship.  She always listens to my heart and never judges where I am.  I asked her the other day how she handles things in her life – she never complains. She replied something like: “I don’t always handle them. I just don’t want anyone to know that I’m not superwoman so I keep it in. You’ve really helped me to be able to express myself with how you share.”  Isn’t it easy to allow that lie to enter into our hearts?  We can’t tell anyone we’re failing incase they think we’re FAILURES!!

God never sees us that way. He sees to the heart.

For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

I am so blessed to have a handful of dear sweet friends with whom I can share my heart with, cry with when my heart is broken, rejoice with – pray with. It’s important to guard your heart from seeing the things we can’t do or don’t do, as failures – and encourage one another to keep on keeping on – to press forward. 

There can definately be a balance. It is alright to think on the things you aren’t doing, perhaps even the ones you wish you were doing. However, as quickly as they came, you must give those thoughts to God and ask Him to set your priorities according to His will. 


Dear Father, I ask that you continue to transform my heart as I seek to become of a woman of beauty and strength.  Search out every corner of my heart and reveal any issues that need to be dealt with – to do or not to do. My heart is Yours Jesus – my life is Yours Jesus. Do with it as You will.  Amen

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Am I “That Girl”?



Well friends, yesterday I posted this same question but today – God has placed another situation on my heart, to share with you…

Is there a situation in your life that you feel ill equipped to handle? If yes, would you be willing to surrender this situation to God, and let Him work through you? If no, why not?

She sat on her bed, tears streaming down her face, this wasn’t her story.  She whispers, “but God, I’m not this girl…I can’t do this, I can’t follow my husband to that place.”

The knock on the door makes her wipe her tears away, “May I come in?” her mother asks.  She sits down beside her grown daughter and wraps her arms around her. Like so many times before, the little girl crumbles in the safety of her mothers arms.

“Mom, I can’t do this. I’m not the girl who can move from a beautiful little house and all that we’ve worked for here, to a plot in the mud…a place that’s water is so bad I can’t see my feet in the tub…I’m not that girl.” Fear and doubt begin to choke her and sobs pounded at her chest as they escaped.

“You are definitely that girl. If anyone is strong enough, it is you. You have no idea where you are headed and how good this will be for your marriage.”

Those words still ring in her mind as she looks out the window. The baby is crying again, her boots look like little cities, each one so clogged with mud that she can’t move. Daddy rescues her again.  The rain won’t seem to stop.  “Where are you God?”  She realizes her cheeks are wet again.  “I’m so alone.”  It had been three months since the move.  Still she had no phone and no computer to keep her connected with the world…she longed for her pretty flower beds and cozy little house – and happy little home.  “What have I done?”

Now fast forward, 5 years. She looks up from her Bible to see the horses grazing as the sun rises. Her home is filled with the silence of sleeping babies.  She remembers back to that time, when she chose to follow her husband in this choice to move from his parents’ ranch, further up the road to what is now their home…with pretty flower beds and a lovely garden.  She thinks to how the garden of her marriage has grown into a beautiful sanctuary, a tapestry of love. “You were right Lord, following my husband here was the best choice I’ve ever made in my life. Thank you for carrying me through that storm and showing me this sun rise…”

I was such a baby then, it seems. Totally ill equipped to handle that situation…Making that choice was possibly the hardest thing I had done to date.  I was just learning what it meant to trust in God – to honor my promises to my husband in marriage and follow where he took me (instead of letting my heart lead).  I grew in that moment…and every moment since. God was (is) so lovingly faithful to that girl.

Thank You Father for this lovely reminder…how timely and precious to me. I love you Lord…I love you.

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Today’s cafe chat  question hits home hard.  I’ve dealt with it already today, at least 50 times!

Is there a situation in your life that you feel ill equipped to handle? If yes, would you be willing to surrender this situation to God, and let Him work through you? If no, why not?

I’ve been thinking about this question and asking God what it is I should write about – sheesh, there are SO many things I’m ill equipped to handle.  In fact, I could dedicate an ENTIRE series JUST to this question.  But for today, I’m going to lay my heart here for you, for Christ (‘course he already knows) and share something so personal to me. 

My husband’s salvation, or lack thereof.

This is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, or will ever have to deal with.  There are so many things about this that make me feel ill equipped.  Things come up nearly by the minute, EVERY day where this matter effects my decisions and my ability to handle situations or carry out the decisions I will make – we will make together for our family.  If you are unequally yoked, you know the depth of my meaning here.

My husband is a wonderful man. He’s kind, caring, he has strong moral values and a deep sense of honor and truth.  I could go on and on really – I adore this man to the very core of my being.  He’s more than my Knight In Shining Armor – he is the love of my life and father to my precious babies…but our hearts are not aligned when it comes to Christ.  I think in the quiet of his heart, when there is no one there but Jesus, he wants to love Him, to know Him, to lean on Him and feel His peace and hope…but something holds him back.  He can’t do it – just yet. The tenderness in me weeps at the heart wrenching ache this causes him (and me, not to mention our children).  Having just gone through a very scary time of sickness with Monkey, I can’t imagine how much harder it was for him, not having Christ to lean on and trust…knowing Monkey is always in the Hands of the One who loves him more that we do.  I think to all the times that he looks at himself thru the lens of self doubt and condemnation, and not thru the eyes of His creator, who loves him and values him beyond measure.  As I write this, tears are flowing down my cheeks and the pain is nearly unbearable.

…Then the flesh in me rises up and feel angry at him for not trying to know God…for not loving me enough to open his heart, his eyes. Of course, you are thinking that this is ridiculous and unreasonable and only the Holy Spirit can open my husband’s heart to the revelation of knowledge of Him….yep, I know it.  But when my babies ask me why Daddy doesn’t believe them when they say that God created them and He lives in their hearts, I feel hurt and frustrated.  When I want to reach out to him and lay hands on him in prayer, as I watch him struggle through something only Christ can heal – I feel so deeply heart broken. When I try with everything I have to get to church, alone, and he stands in my way every time (unintentionally of course – there is always something) I feel so angry…and hurt, and I take it personally when really, it isn’t mine to carry – but HIS. 

Yes, I’m so terribly ill equipped, it’s not even funny.  A broken cry, or laugh – I’m not sure which, escaped as I typed that…more tears now.  I met the sweetest lady at a friends’ church last year. She told me how I must keep on keeping on because her husband came to know Christ after years of prayer – 17 to be precise.  While I adored her tenderness in sharing (and I was encouraged), I was thinking, “oh no, that is 7 more years…”

How can I, do I, surrender this situation to God?  I do it every single day, sometimes hundreds of times a day – knowing that HE does not overlook one tear. His heart walks with mine and as much as I want my husband safe in the arms of Jesus, He wants it even more. I am reminded of 2 Peter 3:9 that he is not slack in His promises, is longsuffering towards us, not willing to let one perish.  I am reminded of Paul and how Jesus turned a life of misery into a man who taught the world…who loved Him with all of his heart.  I know that we are more than conquerers, Romans 8:37 and that He has engraved the name of my husband on the palms of His hands Isa. 49:15,16.

…and I walk in the midst of this storm knowing that wind only makes me lean more deeply into Him.  I know, without a doubt in my heart, that I can count on His promises and that He will sustain me until that joyous day when my husband gives his heart to Jesus!

Thank you Jesus, for the many times that my being ill equipped has lead me further into You.  Continue to transform my heart into that of a woman who seeks You in all things, in all ways, all the time…and thank you for Mr. Handsome’s salvation. I will worship as I wait.

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