On the cusp of the previous post, I AM NOT AN EVANGELIST…I have been thinking. In fact, God’s been pouring stuff into my heart at such a rate, I can barely process it all. Aren’t we saying something about God every minute of everyday? I mean whether we are purposeful about it or not! Again I think I have a unique vantage point because Mr. Handsome isn’t a believer so I see from both sides of the coin – I know that he watches every move of every person who claims to have Christ in their heart. You might not notice his gaze, but it’s there, quiet and strong. He also watches those who make no claim.
I have been writing a lot lately and I asked a dear friend if I could interview him – I am interested in his perspective as an unbeliever married to a believer. His response intrigued me and challenged me all at once. My friend said that more often than not, Christians hide themselves behind “serving others” or the fact that because they have Christ in their hearts, they don’t sin anymore. He he has felt the judgement of Christians and it doesn’t leave him with invitations or more questions, it leaves him with a sour taste in his mouth.
Jesus came to show us the WAY to live…I wonder if sometimes we’re so busy trying to “figure it out” and “do it right” that we forget what LIFE is all about. Life is for the living, it’s about living. I think about all the ways I’ve messed up in the past, how many times I’ve shown, not Christ in my behavior, but myself. My weaknesses. My ugliness. It happens. It will happen again. There will be people who are watching me, because of my claims, and who will pounce and say, “SEE! I knew it!” …hopefully they will offer me grace and forgiveness. Hopefully I can offer the same thing to them. Just like every culture – there are good people and bad people. Let’s be honest. There are good people who aren’t believers. There are bad people who are. I guess if we are really being honest, is there such a thing as good or bad – is that it easy? Or is it more complicated?
There are wounded people.
Some hide it better than others – sometimes it makes good people do bad things.
When I begin to focus on the believers vs. unbelievers – a certain level of panic rises within me…what if I do it wrong? What if they see me at my worst? What if they realize I am a sinner? What if they are there in that one moment when an ugly word slips out of my mouth or that moment when I snap at my child in frustration?! What if…what if…what if…
Let me alleviate all doubt – I am a sinner. I am wounded. I am broken. I make mistakes. I am not perfect.
I am also a daughter to the King of Kings. I am created with purpose, with passion, with love. I can be silly. I love to laugh. I sing at the top of my lungs when I bake, sometimes I even dance around the kitchen. I love to serve people. I love to listen. I love to share. I love good coffee and better friendship. I cry, sometimes because I’m sad and sometimes because I’m happy.
If I fret over all of the eyes that look at me and just how they see me – I’ll be in a never ending cycle of doubt and even fear and I’ll always be searching for a way to make them see me better!
Here’s the truth. Here is the only answer I can give to my friend, or anyone else who asks the question…
How have I been impacted by Christ in my life?
Well before I gave Him the Great Invitation – the weight of the world fell on my shoulders. Performance. Perfectionism. Money. Materialism. Work. To me, understanding what it is to be the child of God changed (changes) me in a way I could never have dreamed or ask and in ways I never want to go back. When you know what it is to be an adopted child, loved like nothing you’ve ever known on earth, it changes your perspective. When you truly understand that you are worth, literally worth dying for; it changes the way you look at yourself. When you know that even though you have done the things you have and you should be dead (or worse), you are loved beyond measure…loved enough that He would watch His own son be tortured on the cross to pay for your sins, it changes the way you love others. When you know that no matter what you do or don’t do, he will keep loving you, forgiving you and offering you grace; it changes the way you offer forgiveness and grace to others.
That isn’t a promise from me to you. It’s still your choice. You can be a Christian and not think about any of those things. You can give the Great Invitation and choose to allow none of these things to shape your heart. You may ask yourself, what’s the point of it all, church, Bible study? Well if what you just read isn’t the impact God is having on you – then maybe you’re missing the point. Maybe you’re so busy looking at yourself through the eyes of others – others who, no matter how much they love you, will fail you, will hurt you, will miss you at times…
Try looking at yourself through the eyes of the
Father who longs to know you.
That is all He really cares about is your heart and relationship with Him.
There is no mold. There is no MUST DO list.
Just love and relationship with someone who loves you so much,
he died for you.